KNOW MY NAME by Chanel Miller

When you cry so hard you forget where you are but at least you know my name

Know My Name is Chanel's powerful ode to the world. Previously known only as Emily Doe in the Stanford rape case, Chanel reclaims her voice by recounting her side of the story. Starting with her relationship with her sister before diving into her rape and the emotional and mental aftermath of the trauma, Chanel doesn't shy away from the ugliness or the pain, instead lending her strength to women around the world.

CW: sexual assault, depression, victim-shaming

Ratings:

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

🔥🔥🔥 (but only in terms of girlboss-ness and not in terms of spice)

😭😭😭😭😭 (if you don't have a box of tissues on hand, you're screwed)

Now, getting into my thoughts on the book and how it emotionally wrecked me:

When I first heard of this book, I immediately knew I wanted to read it and I put it on hold at the NYPL. However, the wait was SO LONG, and by the time I got it off hold it was late May. Even though I understood that this book was about Chanel's experiences as a rape survivor, I was not nearly mentally prepared enough. I started reading the book on the subway, but a few minutes in, I was hit with her description of waking up in the hospital the morning after. To prevent myself from being the lunatic sobbing on the train and missing my stop, I decided to pause my reading.

But somehow, once I paused, I couldn't gather the mental fortitude to continue reading Chanel's story. I know what happened to Chanel was horrible and frightening. I told myself it was too dark to read, that I simply did not want to think about it. And if this is you, if you're too scared to see the words "sexual assault" on paper, to hear the details of someone else's story, I get it. I get you. But my friends were there for me, continually encouraging me to finish the book. I think they knew it would be cathartic for me, and they were absolutely right. While I'm not saying this book can substitute therapy (which I definitely need LOL), reading how Chanel worked through her emotions has helped me work through mine.

So three and a half months after I first started this book, I have finally finished it. I realized that the first two chapters are the hardest--in terms of the graphic descriptions of the aftermath of her rape. But I was absolutely engrossed with Chanel's recounting of how she worked through her emotional and mental trauma. Once I picked this book back up, I couldn't stop reading. Chanel was able to verbalize all of the scary emotions and thoughts she experienced. Reading about Chanel's journey towards accepting herself and what happened has been so fulfilling for me. From her initial denial, to the self-blaming and depression, and to the anger, watching Chanel regain her agency has been so motivational and inspiring.

Not only is she speaking about such a deeply personal topic, but Chanel's prose is enchanting. I don't think a single one of my friends who read this book was able to finish it without shedding a tear. The writing is so poignant, and the emotions so raw, Chanel is definitely one of the most talented writer I've read.

Chanel Miller is one of the most Ultimate Girlbosses ever, and her book is a reflection of everything that makes her her. If you're a sexual assault survivor, this book can return the voice you thought you lost. If you're a female or a minority, this book stands up for you. If you're an Oppressor (intended or not), this book will educate you and highlight the flaws in our society and in our systems. If you're anything or everything in between, this book is at its very least a beautiful journey of re-finding oneself.